The Four Agreements – don Miguel Ruiz’s Code for Life

agreement 1: Be impeccable with your word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2: Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3: Don’t make assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4: Always do your best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Link.

Cindy Sherman at MoMA

Swoon.

Cindy Sherman and Lorna Simpson were the first feminist artists I fell in love with.

One more fantastic reason to make it to NYC in the next 4 months.

How to get America to walk on the BBC

I love this story that highlights my hometown. Take 4 minutes to watch the video. Such a cool project.

This reminds me of a time a few years ago when we were snowed in at our suburban home. The streets were impassable by car (very few snowplows in the South). Ben and I walked from my house to a bagel shop in a nearby shopping center. I had only ever driven there before. There are sidewalks for part of the walk, but you have to cross a busy 5-lane road in an area where cars are anything but aware of pedestrians. The entire walk in the snow took us around 7-10 minutes. I couldn’t believe how close it was and that I had never walked it before. It felt farther away because of the act of getting into my car, driving and finding a parking space.

It also reminds me of when my sister and mother visited me in Paris at the end of my study abroad year. They asked how far away something was, and I said, “Oh, a short walk. Around 30 minutes.” They did not think 30 minutes was “a short walk”, and even saying it now, I don’t either. However, my perspective on travel time and convenience was completely different. It would take me an hour by metro to get to my school every day, and I loved that commute. (I was lucky enough to take a metro route that was mostly above-ground, with a stunning view of the Eiffel Tower as the tracks went over the Seine. Not all are so lovely.) After a school year without a car, a 30 minute walk seemed pleasant, especially on a warm May day in Paris. I was on a student budget and therefore only took cabs when absolutely necessary (i.e. late at night after the metro stopped running). I rode the metro often, of course, but I also enjoyed walking because of the people-watching and window-shopping. Not to mention walking was my only real form of exercise in France.

I don’t walk much where I am now. There are plenty of hiking trails, but I consider that to be a different thing altogether. I walk some in our downtown, which is fairly pedestrian-friendly but not very big. I can traverse the entire downtown in about 15 minutes. I love the idea of posting signs around your neighborhood that tell people how long it takes to walk from one point to another. They have done the work for you, so you don’t have to wonder if you have time to walk.

my eater’s manifesto

(photo from summer 2011: brisket, cornbread and slaw with salad of lettuce from our garden, local strawberries and homemade dressing)

1. When possible, make from scratch. Over the past few years I’ve learned to make pie crust, chicken stock, crackers, bread, chai tea concentrate, and several kinds of salad dressing (lemon tahini, ginger) from scratch. Carve out the time to do it, and it will be worthwhile.

2. One cup of coffee in the morning, tea and water during the day, an occasional glass of wine at night. I take my coffee with real half-and-half and real sugar. I take my tea with honey and lemon. We always have a bottle of wine on hand.

3. Get excited about growing things. Growing food makes me feel good, and eating food I’ve grown is good for me. Gardens teach patience and experimentation.

4. Make indulgences count. If I’m going to have dessert, I make it worthwhile.

5. Don’t let weird ingredients or new preparations scare me. It’s rarely as hard as it sounds.

6. Save eating out dollars for social occasions and food/restaurants I am excited about. Try not to waste money and calories on food that isn’t wonderful.

dog/cat friends

Dog plus cat snuggling in dog’s house.

When my sister first adopted Gracie, she did the diligent and entirely helpful work of crate-training her. Now Gracie loves her house and goes into it willingly. It’s her little cave. We keep it in our living area so that she can be safe in her home while also part of the action. It’s gigantic and not very attractive, but that’s what you have to contend with when you make pets part of your family.

I caught these two cuddling, in Gracie’s house, no less. Their expressions are typical of their interaction. Gracie looks wary and resigned, as though she’s not thrilled about cuddling with a cat but has given up on trying to get the cat to leave her alone. Lucy is nonchalant and wants to be as close as possible to her big canine sister.

At last, a home where the dog and cat can coexist happily.

(I think Gracie secretly loves the cat and would miss her if she were gone. Gracie recently started coming upstairs as if to say, “Hey guys, what’s going on up here? I want to be part of the family!”

booties

50% off! But it’s final sale, which makes me nervous. So darn cute, though.

they’re here.

Glasses.

They are taking a bit of getting used to. I don’t mind them too much, though. It’s slightly annoying to take them off to see anything beyond arms length, though.

space and self

I was struck by this comment from Black*Eiffel:

“For me, there is something that goes hand in hand with space and self. I am heavily impacted by my environment and when my husband and I both looked around and decided what surrounds us isn’t us anymore, we decided it was time to make some changes.”

I feel the same way. I am influenced by the place in which I live, both the geographical location and the contents of my home. A place has to feel like home. No amount of forcing will make it so, although familiar objects help. I need spaces to be cozy but clear of clutter, and I struggle to find the balance. (The state of my physical surroundings usually mirrors the state of my brain. Clutter provokes anxiety and an inability to think clearly.) I also struggle because we inherited most of our furniture from various friends and family members, so I feel stuck with certain objects. We cannot afford to replace everything, and it seems wasteful when we own perfectly good and useful furniture.

One space that feels entirely ours is our bedroom. Our bed is the most important space for me. Lots of pillows, a huge down comforter, beautiful linens. I have to feel cozy and safe here, or I won’t feel that way anywhere.

 

got it.

Egon Schiele
The Artist’s Mother Sleeping, 1911
watercolor, graphite and white body-color on paper

Staying home in bed today with a bag of cough drops, a box of tissues, a mug of tea, a snuggly kitten, two books, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and The Reader. (One of my favorite movies. Another with a similar feel is The Lives of Others. Love that one, too.)

In other news, my glasses are here. I just have to go pick them up. I wish the eye doctor wasn’t 30 minutes away.

sick day

I have the kind of cold that doesn’t quite justify staying home but still leaves me wanting to eat nothing but soup, tea and cough drops.

When I’m sick, I want to watch movies, read books, and snuggle with my kitten in my cozy, cozy bed.

I would watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

I would continue reading The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Every chapter has made me cry so far. Joan and her writing are beautiful.

I would start reading The Art of Mending by Elizabeth Berg.

I would continue eating homemade spicy miso soup. It’s a very loose interpretation of a recipe I found online and basically consists of white miso paste, chicken broth, garlic, ginger, rice vinegar, cayenne pepper and extra firm tofu. Delicious, brothy & just enough spice to clear my sinuses.

I would also keep eating this lentil soup I made last night. With one modification: do NOT add the lemon zest. It made my soup bitter. I re-made the soup today using a lot of lemon juice (probably 2 lemons worth for a half recipe). Delicious.